Meet The Actors

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CJ Crowe

Position: Criminal Mastermind
Age: Older than Moses; younger than dirt
Sex: Yes; payment in advance, please

Modus Operandi:  In addition to being the criminal mastermind behind the Do or Die crime Family, Crowe has been subverting the minds of unsuspecting citizens both young and old under the guise of teaching theatre for over twenty-five years. In addition to directing Do or Die shows, Crowe has directed for Children’s Theatre of Annapolis, Merely Players, an original musical entitled Watergate! The Musical (which was produced by Do or Die), and has attempted unsuccessfully to direct traffic on several area streets. Crowe’s writing credits include over thirty murder mystery scripts, scripts for the now defunct Ontario Renaissance Festival, a full length play entitled Real to Reel, myriad grocery lists and long, pointless posts on Facebook.

Hobbies/Interests:   Between victims, Crowe enjoys spending quiet time trying to teach algebra to her Chihuahua/Jack Russell Terrier mix, Rosie-butt. Currently Rosie-butt has mastered y=treat2.

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Charles Boyington

Position: Wise Guy
Age: Old enough to know better
Sex: Frequently

Modus Operandi:  Charles is one of several Do or Die cast members who are also veteran performers at the Maryland Renaissance Festival. Other roles include Dottie Primrose in Devil Boys from Beyond for Landless Theatre Company, Theseus and Oberon in A Midsummer Night’s Dream at Montgomery Playhouse, Ryan in After Dark for Actors’ Theatre of Washington, and Henry Lodge in Move Over Mrs. Markham for Little Theatre of Alexandria. Charles likes to describe himself as a raconteur and man-about-town. Nobody else likes to describe him that way, but that doesn’t stop our Charles.

Hobbies/Interests:   Charles likes to fill in his free time by giving useless advice to friends who want to know what to do with dead bodies they have found and put in their trunks.

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Sid Curl

Position: Enforcer
Age: Early Cenozoic Era
Sex: Been awhile, you offering?

Modus Operandi:  Curl’s crime spree with the Do or Die Family has been long and bloody. His roles have run the gamut from drunken prospector to drunken Santa (You remember that old song…What Do We Do With a Drunken Santa). Okay, so it’s not a huge gamut to run. His theatrical career spans four decades and includes acting, directing, designing and set building for shows up and down the east coast. He was Master Carpenter at the Vineyard Playhouse in Martha’s Vineyard and Technical Designer for the Gallery Theatre in Ahoskie, NC. He has also made acting appearances at The Harlequin Theatre, the Lazy Susan Dinner Theatre, Source Theatre and Horizons Theatre. He fancies himself a Fagin with the kids, can also be found swimming with the fishes with Twin Beach Players and has been known to pull off a job or to with a charming but neurotic playwright named Scharf. A million voices run through his head, so there is always a different character about to explode in a Do or Die show. Sid hopes to welcome you to a crime scene near you. Sid’s bio is so long because he’s soooooo old.

Hobbies/Interests:   When not performing with Do or Die, Sid is obsessed with harassing the Social Security Administration, the Veterans Administration and the IRS, with delusions that they exist to help and will fulfill their obligations. Silly Sid.

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Jose de la Mar

Position: El Teniente
Age: of Aquarius
Sex: Drugs and Rock and Roll

Modus Operandi:  de la Mar means “of the sea” in Spanish. In ancient Mayan, Jose means “chicken”. Along with his role as a core member of Do or Die, Jose has also performed with 2nd Star Productions, Bowie Community Theatre, Musical Artists Theatre, Baltimore Children’s Theatre, Spotlighters Theatre, Twin Beach Players and starred as Richard Nixon in Watergate! The Musical, (which, as we may have mentioned, was produced by Do or Die). In short, he’s been around the block so many times he’s worn a groove in it. His direction credits include Do or Die Productions, Children’s Theatre of Annapolis, Baltimore Children’s Theatre and how to find your local 7-11. His favorite direction is south.

Hobbies/Interests:   Time not devoted to murder and mayhem is spent hatching plots to take over the world using subliminal (you want me to rule the world) suggestions in (submit to my will) webpage bios.

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Brad Howard

Position: Mouthpiece
Age: doesn’t matter, right? That’s what they say…they wouldn’t lie to me, would they? Who are “they” anyway and why do “they” say these things?
Sex: That’s that whole tab A into slot B thing, right?

Modus Operandi:  From murderous pirate to…well…just plain murderous, Brad stepped off the musical stage and out of the role of Captain Fletcher T. Moone as part of the world-renowned (at least in their world) Pyrates Royale to play everything from victimized Santa to lecherous crime family boss for Do or Die. Brad is also infamous for a hot strip-tease number while portraying G. Gordon Liddy in Watergate! The Musical (did you know it was produced by Do or Die?), answering once and for all that age old question: Is that a stripe on your boxers, or are you just happy to see me?

Hobbies/Interests:   When not bringing pandemonium to the high seas with his cohorts in the Pyrates Royale, or plotting mayhem with Do or Die, Brad enjoys soft music, candlelight, duct tape, buying a cheap bottle of chianti, forcing himself to drink it and sadly, inevitably, taking advantage of himself. He never respects himself in the morning.

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Debbie Jacobson

Position: Eye Witness
Age: of Reason
Sex: I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours.

Modus Operandi:  Murder is music to Debbie’s ears. She is the pied piper of Do or Die. She handles the musical arrangements, direction and is the keyboardist for Do or Die’s musical murders. She finds Do or Die a refreshing outlet from days spent teaching music and directing musicals at Imagination Stage in Bethesda, Maryland. She majored in sarcasm at the school of What the Hell are you Looking At in None of Your Business, USA.

Hobbies/Interests:   We haven’t asked Debbie about her hobbies. We’re afraid they might include pulling the wings off flies and other unsavory activities.

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John Kelso

Position: Underboss
Age: Like a fine wine (lots of sediment at the bottom)
Sex: Take a number. I’ll try to get to all your requests.

Modus Operandi:  John is a Hooligan…no, we’re not calling him names, he is part of a Celtic rock band named the Hooligans. The Hooligans has performed around the region, including engagements at the Maryland Renaissance Festival, The Pyratz Tavern and Flannigan’s Harp and Fiddle. Other than that, yada, yada, yada, John’s done theatre, blah, blah, blah. John firmly believes that the biographical portion of any theatre program, in print or online, sucks and nobody ever really reads it. He challenges everyone who reads this to prove him wrong by giving him a dollar.

Hobbies/Interests:   Between crime sprees, John enjoys long walks (off short piers), poetry and poking dead things with a stick.

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Pat McPartlin

Position: Underboss
Age: Ice
Sex: Yes, and he saves the receipts

Modus Operandi:  Pat is a summa cum laude graduate of the School of Hard Knocks, where he majored in minors (not that kind of minor. Get your mind out of the gutter!). He is not only a core member of Do or Die but has also appeared in several television commercials, myriad shows at Chesapeake Arts Center as well as shows at both Spotlighters and Fell’s Point Corner Theatre. Pat was also in the featured role of Tony in Watergate! The Musical (which was produced…oh, guess you’ve figured that out by now). He can also be seen at local movie theatres. He’s usually the guy sitting in the back row munching on popcorn and texting a blow-by-blow account of the movie to his friends. Pat’s writing credits don’t even include writing this stinking bio. We’re not sure Pat knows how to write.

Hobbies/Interests:   Pat’s main source of entertainment outside his life of crime is spilling martinis, preferably on CJ’s husband, Scotty.

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Brian Morton

Position: Page 67 of the Kama Sutra, Illustration #3
Age: Waiting until they cut me open and count the rings
Sex: Mine is bigger

Modus Operandi:  Born a poor black child in Chicago, Brian has matured gracefully into a poor black adult. He compensates for this by playing lots of Latino characters, including professional liar Diego Natividad de la Estafa (aka Dinty, the Moor) at the Maryland Renaissance Festival and Virgilio “Villo” Gonzalez, a singing, juggling Cuban Watergate burglar in Watergate! The Musical (produced by Do or Die; have we mentioned it before?). Do or Die recently offered him a role playing a poor white male, but he shunned the offer, as he doesn’t like to accept ethnic roles.

Hobbies/Interests:   Due to a childhood diet of thin gruel and rainwater, Brian took up the art of legerdemain in hopes of “getting the girls.” This has led to a journalism career, which has culminated in the glorious apex of having to write his own sorry bio for his third-rate acting career. House arrest is looking better and better.

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Steven Kirkpatrick

Position: Goodfellow
Age: subjective
Sex: Isogamy

Modus Operandi:  Steven is another Do or Die actor who can’t resist performing at the Maryland Renaissance Festival. Steven is also one of those stuffy “real” actors, as is evidenced by his performance as Vigil in Loves’ Labour Lost at Studio Theatre for Washington Shakespeare Company/Avant Bard as well as his work as a company member in Memphis, Tennessee at Playhouse on the Square in shows like Breaking Legs, Truman Capote’s Holiday Memories, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum and Harvey. Jeez, Steven, enough already. We asked you for a few theatrical credits, not the War and Peace of theatre resumes. Okay, we get it. You’re a great actor. Everybody wants you. You’re still not getting a raise. Steven was not, however a part of Watergate! The Musical (which was produced, as we may have mentioned, by Do or Die) While waiting for Steven to send us some of his other theatrical credits, we googled him…Steven, you really need to take care of some of those outstanding warrants. They’re going to get you in trouble one day.

Hobbies/Interests:   When not loitering around crimes scenes, Steven enjoys attending the funerals of strangers, where he weeps inconsolably, apologizes for transgressions against the deceased and slips away, leaving the other attendees bewildered and uncomfortable. That’s actually how we met him.

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Cybele Pomeroy

Position: Underboss
Age: I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you
Sex: Only with her husband

Modus Operandi:  Cybele and CJ have been intent on killing each other for over half Cybele’s life. All the blood that’s been shed between them is zesty mint flavored. Although she enjoys playing a variety of characters for Do or Die, she specializes in stupidity. Her favorite roles are cinnamon, egg and onion. Her writing credentials include several Do or Die Mysteries, a play entitled View Thru Quarter Pane, and Watergate! The Musical (produced by…oh never mind). Outside Do or Die, some of Pomeroy’s performances have been labeled quiet and stilted. We think this might have to do with her work as the creative genius behind Out of the Box Productions, a stilt walking mime extravaganza.

Hobbies/Interests:   When not involved in nefarious activities, Cybele enjoys knitting, driving around topless and providing inpatient psychological counseling to houseplants.

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Erin Tarpley

Position: Lookout
Age: perimortem
Sex: Buy me dinner first – then we’ll talk

Modus Operandi:  Erin is actually far too smart and talented to be part of Do or Die. But we did get her when she was only a teenager, so we are happy to say that the programming does work and as long as we keep her away from members of the psychiatric community, she’ll stay ours forever. Erin is also one of those Out of the Box Productions stilt walking mimes. In addition to playing a variety of nose-picking, poorly dressed characters for Do or Die, she has appeared as the Playwright in Watergate! The Musical (produced by…sigh…moving on), Lola in Damned Yankees, Emily Arden in State Fair and a bunch of other stuff we don’t really care about.

Hobbies/Interests:   We are ashamed to admit it, but aside from staging murder for the dining entertainment of others, Erin is a complete and total geek. Like the machinima loving kind. She was vocal producer, producer and actor for Running Gun Productions. And she actually flipped when we asked what that anime thing she worked on was. She was incensed because we called it anime instead of machinima…like anyone but a geek knows the difference between machinima and anime.

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Ashlyn Thompson

Position: Moll
Age: I can’t keep track – it keeps changing
Sex: Been there, done that.

Modus Operandi:  Ashlyn is a professionally trained, serious actor. Unfortunately, she has a handicap that she is finding difficult to overcome. She’s flipping hilariously funny…which is awkward for landing serious roles. So really, the murder mystery gig for her is just a way of venting her frustration. Ashlyn specializes in making funny noises, which is definitely an off-beat niche in the acting community. Ashlyn, like Erin Tarpley, was acquired in her formative years and is another example of successful programming. At the age of fourteen, she was cast as a hooker in Watergate! The Musical (which was pro…we don't produce many non-murder mystery. It’s the only non-murder mystery we’ve ever produced).

Hobbies/Interests:   When Ashlyn isn’t busy with murder and mayhem, she enjoys honing her funny noise skills, creating lipstick art on the heads of drunken humans and being randomly cast in plays she never auditioned for and is not available to do.

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Matt Wetzel

Position: Mule
Age: Of consent
Sex: subject to availability

Modus Operandi:  The first time CJ met Matt, she told him he was a pig. He was a bit taken aback until he realized that he was really being offered a role as Blue Boy, the prize pig in State Fair. The singing and dancing swine then went on to be the obsessive-compulsive bellhop in Watergate! The Musical (did we mention that…? …whatever) and Colin in Real to Reel, a full-length, non-murder mystery play written by CJ Crowe (but not, we note, produced by Do or Die). In Do or Die shows, Matt specializes in dragging off dead bodies and doing interpretive dances to express his feelings about the victims.

Hobbies/Interests:   When not on body disposal duty or choreographing interpretive dances, Matt enjoys avoiding all pop culture references, eschewing the digital age and trying to get middle aged women to spank him.